This morning I have been running to the bathroom 4 times already with bad diarrhea. I haven’t had any of my Crohn’s disease pains, just running to the bathroom. It is a little tough to figure out why this is happenineg so I better take a look at what I might have done or not have done yesterday that set this mornings eruption off. Yesterday was the first day I didn’t get in 2 full 30 minute meditations, I seemed to fall asleep or get interrupted but I could have done better on my meditation. Yesterday I also forgot to take all my evening herbs that I have been taking, I forgot to take my flax seed oil, licorice root tea, turmeric root, and amalaki (an Ayurvedic herb.) Then in the evening I decided to eat a pint, yes a pint of cookies and cream ice cream, and a Cadbury large chocolate bar. Just to pack on an extra 1600 calories was my thinking. Do I now even have to ask myself why I was nauseous all night and then sitting on the toilet all morning?
Later on this morning I was taking the dog out and enjoying the big soft snowflakes coming down. I first decided to try and just follow one flake all the way down to the ground, and then thought I might be able to catch the same flake that I was following with my eyes. I could not catch one and decided to blame it on my blind eye and that I was only following the little flake with just one eye instead of two. I then tried to catch any flake on my arm, moving my arm all around trying to just make one flake land so I could look at it. All this effort and all this attention on one simple goal and I could not accomplish it. I finally stopped moving feeling a little frustrated when I looked down at my still arm. Wouldn’t you know that when all my hard worked stopped and I just let nature take its natural course, snowflakes started landing all over my arm. I was able to see picture perfect snowflakes and others that had different odd twist to them, but when all my effort stopped I got what I was looking for. Recently I’ve had people tell me that I am focusing too much on my weight and trying to warn me that I am losing touch with the whole picture of my wellness, but my ego wouldn’t listen to what they were saying, my defenses went up. Why do I consider myself back on track already? I believe it all comes down to awareness, I was able to become aware of yesterday and how I let my efforts fall from my meditation and herbs I am taking while I was putting most of my focus on gaining weight. Today I decided to take a lesson from the snowflakes. I can see that as long as things are working in balance, there is no need to focus on anything else right now but getting the most out of life.
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