A master and a failure

It took me years to understand what the difference was between change and transformation but I can not understand the power of attention or intention. There are lots of books and seminars that teach about how you can achieve every kind of success with the powers of attention and intention, but for me I always seem to be the opposite. An example is my weight recently I wanted so much to keep gaining weight. I put all my intention on getting on a scale every day and focusing on how I could make it keep going up. It became hard work and every little time I lost a little weight I would get upset. It wasn’t worth it and I finally decided to stop trying so hard and stay away from the scale. Since I felt strong and my health has been good why worry anymore. I wanted to learn how to accept where I was at and realize things weren’t that bad. I even got Dr Simon to agree that 10 pounds lighter then what we decided on was good enough. I told him that for all I know I have had 10 pounds of intestine cut out of me and maybe 115 pounds now is like 125 pounds we were hoping for me. Now everything was good again and I didn’t feel like I had to try to gain any more weight. Last night after a long day of trying all the different groceries I bought in the morning I wanted to step on a scale. I didn’t think I lost any weight; after all I was eating all day. I looked down at the scale and was shocked when the scale showed my weight at 121 pounds. Its been about 15 years since I was at a weight like this, this is what I weighed when I did gymnastics. When I took my attention away from my goal, I gained weight. This same thing happens when I put my attention on my Crohn’s disease and wanting to male the problems go away. All my attention on the disease seems to make it act up. I may be a master in change and transformation, but I am a failure when it comes to the powers of intention and attention.