Fighting least effort: part 2

Fighting Least Effort: part 2
I am looking at this trip to the Chopra Center more as a preventative medicine journey then a “oh I’m so sick and I need help” kind of a trip. It is an action that I think is moving with least effort. I am not going to let myself get to that point hopefully anymore if I can understand the flow of least effort. Let’s say my eye sight is getting worse and I need a new prescription, but decide to ignore the problem. That is fighting least effort just like it would be if I am starting to notice that problems are starting to brew in my gut and just go on like there is nothing happening, waiting while things deteriorated. People fight least effort all the time in jobs that they don’t like, or in a relationship that deep down they know is not right, it is a postponement of what is sure to come when you fight least effort. I do not know why when I come home from these Chopra Center trips I let things get all crazy again, but I do know I have control over whether I let it get to the point that it affects my life.
Home to me feels like when I used to ride a trail bike years ago there would be deep ruts that were left behind because of people riding in the same path over and over again. I would try to keep out of the deep ruts but seem to always slip back in. It is a constant fight to stay out of the negative ruts we have built over the years, but the more and more we become aware that we are making that wrong choice and replace it with a better choice the sooner better and stronger ways will begin to be created, I hope:~)

Fighting Least Effort

It was right around this time last year towards my birthday that I noticed the first pain that I knew so well from past experience. It was the pain in my lower right quadrant of my belly telling me that things were not moving like they should, a partial blockage. I didn’t want to accept this was happening and I ignored it at first. Then all through last summer and into the fall I let myself deteriorate telling myself that this couldn’t be happening to me again, after all I’m the teacher, the yogi, the one who has control over my health.
Stating in October I was ending up in the hospital every few weeks. In over 20 years I never had a CAT scan for my Crohn’s disease and now all of a sudden I had 6 scans in just 3 months, I’m betting they must have some new equipment that needs paid for. Some how at this point I made myself think that not eating was the best choice, it at least seemed a better choice then the partial blockage and the hospital. I mean if I didn’t eat anything solid, nothing could get blocked. I did not want to give up and knew my best chance was in California at the Chopra Center for well being. It is what has worked in the past…
The first time I was supposed to go out to the Chopra Center I had to pick the emergency room instead of the airport. I made it another 4 weeks and got to The Chopra Center weighing in at 97 pounds. Dr. Simon hurt my feelings a little bit by calling me an official 97 pound weakling, but those were also the words that made me want to show him. That was the point I finally started to accept my situation for what it was and the direction it was heading. I started to move in the direction of least effort. I got a list of good healthy things that I would be doing all day long for the next 10 days while staying at The Chopra Center and La Costa Resort.
Today I have that same problem just starting all over again; My mind is so active I have trouble meditating for just a few minutes let alone 30 minutes twice a day. My mind is an active mess and my body will soon follow if I don’t do something about it. I have decided to do what I should have done last year and go back to the Chopra Center for a 4 day retreat before things get out of hand. Now at 116 pounds I am 19 pounds heavier then I was just 3 ½ months ago when I was last out there. Meditation, yoga, and massage is going to be my reset button to keeping my health.

That is not an option

There were a few times that I was in the hospital over the last 27 years when my health got so bad that the doctor in charge of my health told my parents that they should be prepared that I might die. My dad who is the kind of person who is used to being the boss made sure he let the doctor, and the hospital know that death was not an option for me. I always managed to pull through to the point that I could leave the hospital with out anyone fearing my death. I’ve inherited that drive from my father in different ways that have helped me reach my goals when the odds were heavily against me. I like to view the impossible as being there to stop other people who don’t have the drive and they leave the door open for me. When I hear there is only a 10% probability of me doing something I feel happy because I know it can be done, and chances are I’ll be in that 10%. I mean someone has to be.
I also have to give credit to a gymnastic coach I had many years ago. People would tell me that I couldn’t do a trick because I am blind in one eye. My coach didn’t buy into that thought and when everyone went to the dairy mart for lunch he would make me stay behind until I could do what I wasn’t supposed to be able accomplish. I was a kid who wanted to go eat lunch and be with my friends so I always found a way to learn the trick pretty quick. There are even times I know when I am going to be doing something and working with people before they even know that it is going to happen. I see more then one, two or even three ways to accomplish my goals. The trick is to keep finding ways until I get what I want. When I hear something is going to take me away from my dream, I simply think of my dad’s words and say, “That is not an option.”

Don't Give Up!

In January of this year I was at a point where I talked to my parents about signing a do not resuscitate letter so I can finally die. I felt like everyone around me would be better off in the long run if I was not suffering anymore and needing their help. I was down all the way to 97 pounds when I made it out to the Chopra Center and all I knew was I didn’t want to be at home anymore in the shape I was in, and the direction I was going. Changes were made in my daily routine along with my eating habits. I started meditation twice a day for 30 minutes each time, and got daily massages to help me turn things around both mentally and physically.
My point to this is to show how in times of chronic suffering it is not too hard to want to give up, PLUS I wanted to show how in just 3 days of starting my health reversal in the start of the new year things did start to change, and what I thought just days before was the end, started to become a new beginning. Sometimes we need to just change our view of things and be open to the fact that the way we see things in the present is not the way it has to be tomorrow. Today I am 17 pounds heavier then I was in January, in fact I am 7 pounds heavier then I have been in about 6 years. I can actually look at myself in the mirror again and see the person that I knew I could always be.